This statement was sent as an email at 2.59am on November 1st 2001. I didn't sleep much that night.

 

I was originally diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia in September 1998. I was treated at Boston Pilgrim, Grantham and Nottingham City hospitals. After achieving remission I moved to London to finish my degree and had follow up maintenance treatment at Greenwich District Hospital. When this hospital closed my care was transferred to the new Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Woolwich. In April of this year I suffered a relapse and after some chemotherapy at Woolwich I then went to University College Hospital (UCH) London for my bone marrow transplant. This happened on July 20th and I was discharged in early August. Everything seemed to be going fine and many of you have seen me out and about in the last few weeks. Most of you are already aware of all this.

 

On Sunday night I felt a twinge in my back. This became progressively worse but I convinced myself it was just a muscle sprain. As you may know, back pains have been the first indicator of both my previous incidences of leukaemia. On Tuesday 30th October I had a bone marrow sample taken as I was 100 days post transplant. The results came through this morning (Wednesday) and Doctor Carl Pegg called me to let me know that they were not good. He informed that my bone marrow aspirate was showing an unusually high number of 'blasts' (as in 'lymphoblasts'), too many to just be after-transplant niggles. On his advice my parents and I drove down to UCH to see him this afternoon.

 

At UCH Dr Pegg told me that 30% of my bone marrow cells are showing as cancerous. The transplant itself was successful, but the chemotherapy and radiotherapy had not been sufficient to prevent the leukaemia from returning. There was always a chance of this, we knew this from the outset. If left alone the cancerous cells would flood my bone marrow and in a matter of weeks I would no longer be able to produce enough healthy cells to stay alive. My only option is to have another course of chemotherapy. This will provide a 20-30% chance of achieving remission. Unfortunately however even if I achieve remission, the leukaemia will almost certainly return within a year. If it does then more chemotherapy, this time with an even lesser chance of remission will be required. Not only will the chances of remission be lower, but the poisonous effects of the chemotherapy will be greater.

 

There is no longer any talk of curing my leukaemia. Both preferred options of care have been tried and both have failed. Another transplant is not an option, as my body would not withstand the rigours of the transplant process so soon after the last, and even if one was to be carried out at a later date, the leukaemia itself would not be cured. The talk now is of merely prolonging my life. I asked if I would ever have a 'normal' life with a career and so on. The answer was no. In all likelihood I have a year or maybe two left to live.

 

I have decided to keep my care at UCH. I will begin my chemotherapy on Monday. From now on I will be living each day as it comes.